My favourite awful pop songs (that are really just guilty pleasures)

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By Jamie Tuohy

I have a confession to make, this post is billing itself as my favourite AWFUL pop songs, but in reality, these are probably my favourite songs full stop. However, for the purposes of self-preservation (which now seems rather pointless in the face of my revelation) and the feigning of any proper musical taste, I’ve decided to compile a list of the best 5 pop icons flops. From Kim Kardashian to Paris Hilton, sometimes songs are so dreadful that you have to look beyond the ear-ache-inducing clamour and just accept that they are simply genius and iconic.

Jam (Turn It Up) – Kim Kardashian

Not that I am in the business of likening Kim Kardashian’s musical efforts to significant events in Irish history, but when W.B. Yeats wrote of the Irish 1916 Rising that “a terrible beauty is born”, it seems a rather fitting description of Kim Kardashian’s hilarious attempt at singing. Sorry Willy. “I’m goin’ out tonight, it’s goin’ down, headin’ straight to the front of the line”, she mutters in the most deliciously monotone and uninterested voice you’ve ever heard. Watch the above video and try not to acknowledge how monstrously glorious this song really is. Thank you so much Kimberley, this really is a gift.

Stars are Blind – Paris Hilton

Ah, Paris. I remember the day the video for Stars are Blind premiered on MTV way back in 2006. I was 12 and on holidays in Bulgaria with my family. Of course, the only thing on my mind that day was how exactly I was going to see Paris’ debut. So, cunningly, as my family lounged by the pool, I suddenly came over all dizzy and clenched my stomach for dramatic effect. When my mother suggested I go to bed back in the apartment for a few hours, I reluctantly agreed and selflessly told everyone to stay by the pool. “I’ll be fine, I’ll just sleep it off.” Muahahahaha, you fools! As soon as I glided through the door and made some popcorn, I danced forebodingly around the apartment waiting for Paris to come on and wow me with her vocals. And wow me she did. Paris, you were my guilty pleasure in 2006 and in 2013, nothing has changed.

This Groove – Victoria Beckham

2003 marked a pivotal year for the Beckhams and indeed for me. As David signed his deal with Real Madrid, Victoria decided to head back into the studio and this was the beginning of my obsession with them. It was the kind of obsession that makes Directioners and Beliebers look sane. These were the days when Victoria’s D&G obsession was at its height and diamond-encrusted Jacob & Co. watches were synonymous with Posh ‘n’ Becks. When they released their Real Beckhams DVD, detailing David’s move to Spain and Victoria’s vocal exploits, it became a type of Bible for me. The Gospel according to the Beckhams was punctuated by the chimes of Victoria and This Groove is one of my favourites. Ah, it takes me back.

Let Your Head Go – Victoria Beckham *Amazing video alert, just sayin’*

Yes, I know, Victoria gets to appear twice, but I’m not going to lie; I’d fill this post up with her albums if I could. Let Your Head Go was released as a double-A side with This Groove and it’s probably one of Victoria’s best. I don’t mean to fill this paragraph with superlatives, but the video is mind-blowingly brilliant. It sees Victoria playing an exaggerated version of herself, where she tears up clothes and flowers, has nightmares where she sees her head on a crow, as she edges closer to a coveted OBE (remember David had just received one in 2003) and we get to see her being taken away by psychologists as she descends into an imagined madness. Hamlet say whaaah? If you watch one video from this post, make it Let Your Head Go. It will change your life. If you’re unwilling to watch it all (ARE YOU CRAZY??!), then skip to the end, where you can see Victoria sitting on a throne, polishing her crown. And that’s not a euphemism. How amazing is she?!

Insatiable – (KWEEN) Nadine Coyle

Okay, we all know how I feel about Nadine and I’m sure nobody thinks that I truly believe this song is awful or a guilty pleasure. I obviously adore this woman and think she’s flawlessly gifted, but I’m told this song is a dreadful flop (ugh, peasants), so it seems appropriate to include Insatiable as the final tune in this list. Nadine’s ‘exclusive retailing deal with Tesco’ failed to set the charts alight and Insatiable didn’t have the same industry impact as Cheryl’s debut song Fight for This Love did. But, bless, you have to love Nadine for trying. Apparently she recorded most of this song in her bathroom because ‘theeee acooosticks wur beytur’ and surprisingly you can’t even hear the sound of a toilet flushing in the background. Hair flicking, dodgy accents and mediocre marketing: it’s all perfection. Love you long time Nadine.

Behind the scenes on Victoria Beckham’s Elle cover shoot

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Check out this behind the scenes video from Victoria Beckham’s Elle cover shoot!

Looking stunning in Burberry on the March cover of fashion bible Elle, Victoria Beckham tells the magazine about her insecurities, her family dynamic and her work ethic.

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On her work ethic:

“It was never my intention to prove anybody wrong. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I don’t have to work, I need to work. All these people [her fellow fashion designers], they’ve not just been given anything. They’ve worked hard. And I’ve never been given anything either. But I have a good work ethic; David has an incredible work ethic. I want my kids to have a good work ethic. I believe you can achieve anything if you work hard enough to get it.

You’ve got to trust people. And because I am a control freak, sometimes that’s difficult for me, because I want to micro-manage absolutely everything. I can’t hand over. But I’m trying to do that more. It’s hard because I have such a specific vision.”

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On the Spice Girls and insecurities:

“When I was on stage with the Spice Girls, I thought people were there to see the other four and not me. And when I go out with David and people take pictures I think, ‘They’re here to take David’s picture.”

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On her kids:

“You know what they say to me, because I’m not the best cook, although I try really hard? They always say to me, ‘Mummy, we know that the main ingredient in what you make is love’.”

The full interview appears in the March issue of Elle magazine, on sale January 30.

See the behind-the-scenes video below:

What’s eating Victoria Beckham? | Jamie Tuohy

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When Victoria Beckham arrived at London’s Piccadilly Theatre a number of weeks ago for the opening night of the Spice Girls’ musical; Viva Forever!, the artist formerly known as Posh Spice posed and pouted in her signature style. Working the red carpet with expert knowledge, there was no denying that the most famous and undoubtedly, the most successful Spice Girl stole the show. Dressed head to toe in high-end designer labels (most obviously, her own label), her refined and elegant look stood out amongst the other four Spices. But for all the wrong reasons!

As she posed with David and her three sons, the Beckhams moved as if they were royalty, but as Victoria put her best leg forward, there was something missing. She hardly acknowledged her former band mates, refused to pose with them on the red carpet and appeared embarrassed when having to share a stage with them. The girl power zeitgeist that lives on in Scary, Sporty, Ginger and Baby was distinctively absent from Posh. On the opening night of Viva Forever! it was clear that for Victoria Beckham, her days as a Spice Girl were incongruent with her reinvented image as a world-renowned fashion designer and bubble-gum pop and pseudo-Feminist declarations have no place in her high-end ‘aesthetic.’ VICTORIA DESIGN

Ask Victoria what her clothing line is about and almost by reflex, she will speak about her proclivity to ‘empower women’ and make them feel special. And it’s something Victoria appears to do very well. With no formal training as a designer, Victoria has steadily built her eponymously-titled collection to become one of the world’s most promising luxury brands and her success culminated with her being awarded “Designer Brand of the Year” by the British Fashion Council in 2012. Her empowerment of women turns over millions and millions each season and her dresses sell out almost instantaneously. Remarkably, Victoria has masterminded one of the most successful and dramatic reinventions pop culture has ever seen – from a pouty-yet-friendly Essex WAG and popstar to a brooding, elegant and respected fashion designer. When it comes to Victoria Beckham, the designer, anything ‘zig-a-zig-ha’ related is decidedly tacky and best left forgotten. victoria

The Viva Forever! musical, written by Jennifer Saunders and produced by Judy Craymer tells the story of fame and friendship and the music of the Spice Girls acts as its axis. However, for Victoria, on that opening night, it was perceptible that in the relationship between fame and friendship, when you live your life as a brand, the former takes precedence. The Spice Girls have ‘reunited’ three times this year – for the press conference to announce Viva Forever! in June, for the London 2012 Olympics in August and lastly, for the musical’s opening night in December. Each of these reunions portrayed a similar story – four friends who are thrilled to be back together and one who is characterised by her aloofness and desire to be anywhere else but back in a Spice Girls line-up. No prizes for guessing which one Victoria is!

boobsWhether she’s standing separately from them, refusing to hold their hands, awkwardly hugging and feigning interest or covering her face with her hand as she squirms at Mel B’s profane praise for the musical, Victoria defines herself by her own self-styled superiority. Sometimes it’s hilarious, but most of the time, it’s just rude and promulgates a woman who has forgotten where she came from. For someone who so keenly perfects and controls her public image, it’s ironic that she indulges in this condescension, which unquestionably looks like a PR disaster.

Or does it? Is Victoria actually doing the right thing? The target market for her high-end clothing line isn’t the young girl who used to dance to Wannabe and Spice Up Your Life – it’s the professional woman who can easily afford to drop thousands on a dress and more than likely listens to Chopin in her spare time. It’s the woman Victoria purports herself to have become; and the one she so readily wants us to believe she truly is. vb

It wasn’t so long ago that Victoria sported her infamous WAG extensions, rhinestone-encrusted Rock & Republic jeans, a ‘bling-bling’ Jacob & Co. watch and a tight Dolce & Gabanna bustier. She regularly poured herself into skimpy Hervé Léger dresses to reveal both leg and breast, perish the thought. These days, however, she preaches about the necessity to choose one or the other – her ‘aesthetic’ is all about ladylike elegance. One can’t help but wonder where that ‘aesthetic’ was at the 2006 World Cup in Baden Baden where she gave a then Coleen McLoughlin (now Coleen Rooney) and Co. a master-class in WAG extravagance and excess.

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However, since then, the mini-skirts and vest tops have been replaced with subtle metonyms of her new status. For example, her rose-gold Rolex is an exemplar of her own metamorphosis – slightly masculine, yet appropriately feminine, and particularly fitting to a woman who is the dexterous, yet adventitiously timid creator of her own star and success. Make no bones about; Victoria knows exactly what she’s doing.

SPICE GIRLS

But can the Spice Girls really harm Victoria’s image as a credible fashion designer? For all her propensity to empower women, it has to be asked, where does Girl Power fit into it all? Victoria Beckham, (the clothing line, that is), is carried in some of the world’s most exclusive stores, from Neiman Marcus in the States, Selfridges in London and Brown Thomas, here in Ireland, so there’s no denying the brand is at the very pinnacle of the luxury market and Victoria is not only the surprisingly-intelligent designer behind it all, but she has proved herself to be a deft businesswoman who hasn’t rushed into expanding the brand rapidly, but knows that the old adage of ‘slow and steady wins the race’ will prove true and profitable for her in the long run. As the fashion world finally accepts her as a serious player, Victoria can’t be blamed for thinking the Spice Girls and any reunion with them could undermine her achievements as a designer. Can you imagine asking Anna Wintour to spice up her life?

Bergdorf Goodman Celebrates Fashion's Night Out

There are no two ways about it; Victoria is the most successful Spice Girl. She is one of the most famous women in the world and a pop culture phenomenon – not bad for a woman who has admitted to being the least talented singer and dancer in the band! Look at old videos of them and you will see she was always the pouty one, always the poser – but never a snob. Back in the day, she was much more carefree and endearing, but perhaps that level of accessibility isn’t endearing when you’re carving out a career as a designer? She has lost her playful Essex-twang and replaced it with a more transatlantic, fashion-friendly, plum-in-the-mouth type of accent that edges closer and closer to Kate Middleton’s tones by the day. Her whole demeanour has changed to fit in with the fashion cognoscenti and that has left her fans with a sour taste in their mouth. But again, the fans of Posh Spice are not the fans Victoria Beckham, the designer wants or needs to appeal to. These days, when she speaks of the Spice Girls, Victoria does so graciously, but more often than not, it’s in non-committal terms and without personal inclusion, employing indefinite pronouns such as “they”, to speak of “their success” and what “they achieved.”

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Shortly after the opening night of Viva Forever! Simon Edge wrote that the Beckhams’ arrival into the theatre was like “watching the Duke and Duchess of Kent arrive as a prelude to the Queen” and it’s more than likely that Victoria’s regal entrance didn’t go down too well with the two Mels, Geri and Emma. The musical’s message of friendship being more important than fame found its comedic irony from the woman draped in a VB A/W12 plum coat and as she walked the red carpet sans Sporty, Scary, Ginger and Baby, somehow, somewhere Anna Wintour, Anna Dello Russo et al were smiling, or rather smirking, as the world’s most renowned fashion darling expertly pouted and shunned her former band mates to ensure all the attention was on her. Expect a US Vogue cover as a reward in the forthcoming months. The metamorphosis of Victoria Beckham was well and truly complete.

Who do you think is the most famous person in pop culture in 2012?

Who do you think is the most famous person in pop culture 2012? Made up of the most written-about and talked-about stars of the year, who do you think has gathered the most press attention and column inches? Should anyone else be on the list? There is a distinct lack of male presence on the list, with female stars dominating the media in 2012 – is there a guy that has been left out? Do the poll below!

Celebrity Accent Changes | Jamie Tuohy

Everyone remembers Tom Cruise’s AWFUL attempt at an Irish accent in Far and Away. His potato-wielding, leprechaun accent was truly horrendous and sadly he isn’t the only star to annihilate the Irish tones.  Of course, actors and actresses will be required to change their accent to suit the dialect of their character’s origins and therefore, in pop culture, there are a host of good, bad and downright strange accent impressions floating around. Here are some of the best and worst, and also, I’ve decided to take a look at some stars who have randomly changed their accent to suit their image, or in some cases, to cling onto their dwindling relevance.

The Good:

Hugh Laurie

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As Dr. Gregory House, in the TV show House, Hugh Laurie’s American accent is impeccable. It’s not surprising that most people are shocked to learn that Laurie is British, hailing from Oxford, and found fame alongside Stephen Fry in Blackadder and Fry and Laurie.

Ed Westwick

As the smooth-talking Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl, British actor Ed Westwick has mastered the Upper-East Side lingo and managed to pull off a seriously impressive New York accent.

Cate Blanchett

Portraying the life and death of tragic Irish journalist, Veronica Guerin, Cate Blanchett delivered a poignant and convincing performance and her mastery of the Irish accent was spot-on!

The Bad

Tom Cruise:

No words. That accent was extremely FAR and a long way AWAY from Ireland.

Mischa Barton

Considering Mischa Barton was born in Britain, one would expect her impression of her mother tongue to be slightly better than the disastrous effort she put forth in St. Trinians. As JJ French, she scarcely even  tried to mimic British tones.

Brad Pitt

And once again, we have a case of the destruction of an Irish accent on the big screen. Brad’s imitation of the Irish brogue was bad enough in The Devil’s Own to last us a lifetime. Why he decided to break it out again in Snatch, I’ll never know. Accents, as Pitt has admitted, aren’t his strong point. Too true Brad, too true!

The Suspicious:

Nadine Coyle

“I’m from Derry. Date of birth: 15/6/85, making me a Gemini and … what date of birth did I say there?” Remember that? Nadine Coyle’s infamous lie on the Irish Popstars show is testament to the old adage of “every cloud has a silver lining.” Since becoming 1/5 of Girls Aloud, Nadine has become a bigger star than she ever could have as part of Six. She now resides in LA and consequently, has adopted a hilarious transatlantic accent, comprising of a strong Derry tone and strange Californian inflections.

Madonna

Give me strength. Madge, you were born in Detroit. Where are you going with the London accent? Get a grip, woman!

Victoria Beckham

VB has undergone a metamorphosis in recent years, swapping the champagne, WAG lifestyle, for a sophisticated career as a fashion designer and world-renowned style icon. Long gone are the days of her ‘zig-ah-zig-ahh-ing’, as Victoria has lost her Essex twang and traded it in for a more fashion-friendly accent.

The shocking pictures of Victoria Beckham the world thought they’d NEVER see | Jamie Tuohy

Victoria Beckham usually never steps outside the door looking anything less than immaculately groomed in one of her signature creations, so it must come as huge shock to see the fashion designer in a tracksuit, perish the thought.

And breathe … yes, it’s true!

The woman who once said she’s never smile, wear a tracksuit or don flats was spotted in this uber-relaxed attire, as she dropped her son Brooklyn to tennis camp.

Looking more Sporty Spice than Posh Spice, the former singer retained her signature oversized shades, but otherwise, there wasn’t a pencil dress or stiletto in sight.

Anyone expecting an astronomical surge in the amount of luminous green trainers being purchased by soccer moms all over the world in the next few weeks?

Victoria smiling/smirking, in flats and in a tracksuit. She has broken her own fashion rules!

Spicing up the Olympics’ Closing Ceremony | Jamie Tuohy

Feast your eyes on these pictures! The Spice Girls are in rehearsals for the closing ceremony of the 2012 Olympics.

After much speculation, it was reported that Victoria, Geri, Mel C, Mel B and Emma would reunite solely for the closing ceremony of London 2012 and despite no official confirmation from the girls themselves (apart from Victoria’s TwitPic of a jewel encrusted microphone), these pictures are all the proof we need!

The five-piece were spotted at the Ford car plant in Dagenham yesterday, gearing up for their performance at the star-studded closing ceremony, which is set to feature the likes of One Direction, Coldplay and many more.

The Wannabe chart-toppers were spotted on top of classic black cabs and while all the girls looked relaxed and casual, Victoria didn’t compromise on style – letting everyone know who the world-renowned fashion designer is, in skyscraper heels and skin-tight leather trousers.

Rumours were rife in the run-up to the Games as to whether or not the Spice Girls would be on the closing ceremony bill and with talk of a feud between Victoria and Mel B; plans of a reunion looked dubious.

However, as the band rehearsed in the sun yesterday, they looked friendly and content and come Sunday, they are sure to SPICE UP ALL OUR LIVES.

Beyonce and Jay Z are Forbes Top Earning Celeb Couple | Jamie Tuohy

Beyoncé and Jay Z have overtaken Gisele Bündchen and her husband Tom Brady as the world’s top-earning celebrity couple, taking home a whopping $78m in the last year alone.

Proving that even maternity leave can’t impinge on her earnings, according to Forbes’ 2012 list of the highest-paid celebrities, the power-couple have moved from second place to the top spot, thanks to royalties from Beyoncé’s music and House of Dereon fashion line, as well as her husband’s hugely successful collaborative tour, Watch the Throne with Kanye West.

Given that Beyoncé hasn’t worked all that much since giving birth to daughter Blue Ivy, in January of this year, the statistics are even more impressive and she even managed to bring home $2million more than her husband Jay Z, who added $38million to the couple’s wealth.

 

Last year’s top earners, Gisele Bündchen and her NFL player husband Tom Brady brought home an impressive $72million last year, and while Gisele remains as the world’s highest-paid model, both she and Tom were relegated into second place by the superstar musicians.

David and Victoria Beckham rounded up the top three, jumping up one place from last year, with a cool $54million added to the wealth of Brand Beckham. Thanks to David’s endorsement deals and contract with LA Galaxy, combined with the massive success of Victoria’s eponymous dress line, Posh ‘n’ Becks have seen their fortune rise significantly in the last year and Victoria is still raking in the royalties from her Spice Girl days.

Nice work if you can get it!

Victoria Beckham ads some SPECS APPEAL to her Fashion Empire | Jamie Tuohy

Many businesspeople have created innovative and exciting new products because of their own personal needs and lack of availability in the market. They simply couldn’t find what they wanted, so they made it themselves. And Victoria Beckham’s latest design creation is no different.

Adding to her ever-expanding fashion empire, the 38-year-old mother of four has just revealed that she has designed an optical line, in partnership with Cutler & Gross.

The short-sighted designer said that she needs glasses herself, but failed to find a suitably stylish pair.

“I do need to wear glasses — [but] I haven’t found glasses that suit me or that I particularly like,” Beckham told WWD. “I’ve always been quite self-conscious [about this], so that’s why I’ve decided to do them myself.”

Victoria already has a successful line of high-end sunglasses in her VB range and adding prescription frames was a natural progression for her.

Beckham’s new line will feature six different frames and will be debuted at Silmo Paris on Oct. 4.  Adding to that, each style will be available in three different colours and Victoria insisted that she will now have no qualms about wearing glasses in public, saying,

“I will be wearing my glasses now, and it will be nice to see where I will be going for once.”

True to form, quality is something which was of the utmost importance to Victoria and each pair of glasses has gone through four weeks of production and a whopping 37 different assembly processes.

Victoria has been seen modelling a pair of her frames in the September issue of US Glamour, which she also guest edited and it’s good news for us guys too because these handcrafted Italian glasses are unisex.

As these are Victoria Beckham creations, they are a little pricey, starting at over 400 big ones, but for Victoria Beckham’s most loyal customers (i.e. the mega-rich), this will be pocket change and a must-have purchase.

The glasses will be available in retailers from January 2013.

Oh to be rich…and to actually need glasses, to justify purchasing…

Victoria Beckham: “Fashion Stole My Smile” – Posh guest edits Glamour’s September Issue | Jamie Tuohy

Yesterday I blogged about footballing superstar David Beckham and how he made the cover of Esquire magazine’s September style special and today it is his wife’s turn. Victoria Beckham is not only on the cover of Glamour magazine’s September issue (the most EXCLSIVE AND IMPORTANT MONTH IN FASHION MAGS), but she has also added another string to her incredibly stylish bow, by guest-editing the American version of the style magazine.

Aged 38, Victoria Beckham has been in the media spotlight for nearly 20 years, finding fame with record-breaking girlband, the Spice Girls and in recent years, achieving critical acclaim as a world-renowned fashion designer.

Those who viewed the singer-turned-designer as merely a pouty WAG were forced to stand up and take notice, when she debuted her first dress collection in New York in 2009 and since then Victoria has gone on to wow and astound the notoriously hard to crack and cliquey fashion world.

In the September issue of American Glamour, the mother-of-four reveals that fashion has always been her first love and told the magazine how she “was always reading fashion magazines and always getting inspired by them as well.”

Mrs Beckham also opens up about why she never smiles in photographs, saying, “Do you know, I don’t know?! I actually used to smile a lot in pictures. I think I only stopped smiling when I got into fashion. [Laughs.] Fashion stole my smile! I’ve created this person. And I’m not saying that’s not me, but I wouldn’t say that’s the whole me. It’s an armour that goes up.”

She admits that her life is one big “juggling act” and confesses that she would “never say never” to having another baby. Asked about where she sees herself in five years, “Victoria tells Glamour that she wants her family to be “happy and healthy” and her empire to be expanding at a “steady pace”. Of course, she also takes the opportunity to tell us FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME (or something like that), that her business is “all about empowering women.”

Victoria was asked to be the first guest editor and according to Cindi Leive, the Editor-in-Chief of US Glamour, Victoria was “the only choice” because “when you think of fashion, style and the ability of a woman to be put together at any moment, you think of Victoria”. The designer said that seeing her ideas come to life on print was an exciting experience and she has even compiled her list of fashion “dos and don’ts, with no-no’s including “boat shoes (unless of course you’re designer Alber Elbaz or on a boat!), Bermuda shorts, nose rings, Crocs, and American tan tights.”

Doesn’t she look GORGEOUS in this soccer-mom style photoshoot? (Which, according to Victoria, was her idea, naturally)?

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